Wednesday, August 19, 2015

Dating Was Ruining My Life, so I Decided to Stop.

I used to be a serial dater. If I was single for more than a month or two, I would complain about being in a dry spell and whine that nobody loved me. But after a slew of boyfriends, some more serious than others, I've decided to stop dating altogether. I swear I don't hate guys, and I'm certainly not bitter; I'm just not interested. In fact, I'm happier.
Constantly seeking out relationships, finding them, and ultimately getting let down or letting someone else down was ruining me, literally. My personality was kaleidoscopic, regularly changing in order to appeal to my man-of-the-minute, only to discover that it wasn't enough or it "just didn't feel right." At my lowest, I felt anonymous and vacant. I had so compromised myself for these relationships that once they ended, I was left with nothing. Even worse, I went into many of those relationships without strong feelings or a desire to commit; they were largely a matter of convenience. Put simply, my dating life was guided less by the question, "Why?" and more by, "Why not?"
My dating life was guided less by the question, "Why?" and more by, "Why not?"
I stopped dating when I realized that "why not" is not a good enough reason to be in a relationship. It's a great reason to buy an electric toothbrush or a doggy sweater, but not so great for life-altering decisions (unless your teeth are rapidly decaying or your dog is hypothermic). So after a brief stint on Tinder — sorry to that one boy I almost dated but then bailed on — I called it quits. The "why not" question was no longer unanswerable. The answer was that I'm a happier, more confident, independent person when I'm single. I can focus on myself and my hobbies, both of which I neglected in my relationships. I was so obsessed with making the relationships work that I forgot to make myself work, so when they ended, I felt abandoned by both the guy and by myself. There is no worse feeling than that of letting yourself down. In stopping dating, I resolved to never feel that way again. And so far, I haven't.
There is no worse feeling than that of letting yourself down. In stopping dating, I resolved to never feel that way again. And so far, I haven't.
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I have fantastic friends, whom I would be miserable without, who constantly remind me how lucky I am to be young and only responsible for myself. So why should I waste this important period of my life trying to be responsible for someone else? I have an excellent education and a stimulating internship. I have a loving family and two wonderfully ugly cats. Either I'm one of those people who takes pleasure in immense pain, or the social pressure to be in a relationship is way too strong, because there's no other explanation for voluntarily pursuing experiences that repeatedly disappoint and diminish me.
At least right now, relationships are riskier and more time-consuming than they're worth. Even so, I'm not a total ice queen. When I'm out and about and I spot a couple walking a dog or cuddling in the park, I feel a pang of jealousy. But I don't mind that pang because it's quickly replaced with contentment. I remember that I am in a great, healthy place right now and I'm so happy that couple is too. It's an unbelievable thing to have found someone you love so much that even stretching sounds like a fun activity. But I'm learning that it is also an unbelievable thing to love yourself equally.
You could say I'm currently dating myself, or at least trying to. I'm discovering that it's a lot harder to look inward for support and gratification than to just expect them from others, but, as my mother likes to say, life is hard. It's hard and the only thing that will make it any easier is loving who I spend it with — namely, myself. So I have no regrets about my current relationship status.
Dating will come back into to my life, I'm sure of it, and when it does, I hope to have the wisdom to jump into the "why" relationships and the strength to reject the "why nots.

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1 comments:

  1. Hi, my name is Amberlee. I have been in great bondage for almost 2 years suffering in the hands of a cheating husband,we were happy and leaving well until he meant his old time girl friend and he started dating her outside our marriage before you knew it he stoped caring and taking care of his own family it was to the extent that he was planning to get married to her and divorce me his own wife, i have cried and reported him to his family but he never listened to any one but to cut my story short i came in search for a real spell caster who could destroy their relationship and make him come back to me and our 2 kids on my search i saw people making testimony on how their marriage where restored by Esango Priest i pick his email and i narrated my story to him and he agreed to help me and after performing a spell on the second day both had a quarrel and he beat his girlfriend up and he came home begging for i and my little kids to forgive him that his eyes are clear now that he will never do any thing that will hurt his family again and promise to be a caring father and never cheat again.I am so so happy that i did not loose him to the girl. all appreciation goes to Esango Priest for you are a Great spell caster and to whom this may concern if you have a cheating husband or wife or you need your ex lover back again. you can as well email him on esangopriest@gmail.com, esangopriest@hotmail.com and you can visist his website on www.esangopriestspelltemple.webs.com

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