1. Watching him tag his Instagram photos with really embarrassing shit like #vaporwave #glitch #aesthetic. What does that even mean, Seth? Seriously.
2. When you have to pretend that you totally listen to his one-plus-hour Soundcloud mixes on the regular. I totally loved the way you mixed that EDM song with that other EDM song. You should have your own DJ night. Oh, crap, you took me seriously and now I'm...
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3. Having to think of fresh excuses as to why you can't attend his endless DJ nights. "Yeah, my best friend is in town and she has two broken legs ... yeah, two ... so I can't come. Oh, next weekend? The legs will still be broken then too. Leg breaks are no joke."
4. When your friends ask you if you're still sleeping with "that guy" and you have to be like, "Ugh, yes, unfortunately." Every single time.
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5. Having to listen to him talk more about how great he thinks he is than actually giving you any reason to think he's great. Please continue to tell me how well-dressed and romantic you are, even though you're wearing baggy sweatpants and high top sneakers and haven't asked me a single question all night.
6. Having no idea how this guy gets laid, but also realizing you slept with him, so... He must be a witch. That is the only explanation.
7. Knowing you've made out with someone who seriously spent over a half hour making a stupid Instagram photo of him at the beach with an inspirational slogan over it. You and your boys at the beach + the words "be here now" for some reason = destined to be something you get tattooed on your body in less than a year. I pray I do not know you then.
8. Not hearing back from him via texts, but then seeing him like all your Instagrams. *Side eye.*
9. Nodding along while he shows you his photo album full of nothing but latte art. So this is what it feels like to fall asleep at 2 p.m. from boredom. Cool.
10. Trying to pretend that his dream of being a graffiti artist is both interesting and probable.Dude, you don't even own spray paint.
11. Every time he texts, you just know for a fact it says, "Sup." You don't even have to read it anymore. Same with the fact that his replies to you texting him "What are you up to?" will always be "Chillin."
12. Hearing him talk about how girls are all hos while he's also trying to sleep with you. Bro, you can't be like, "All women named Sarah are sluts. Anyway, 'sup, Sarah?" and have me be cool with it. Ugh, seriously, why are you even in my room right now?!
13. Trying to talk to him about what you are to each other and having him look at you like you're really needy. It has been three months. You act like I'm your girlfriend one minute and like I'm an Internet stranger the next. I am not crazy for wondering what the hell is wrong with you. Sigh. Fine, yes, I'll come over and eat cereal in bed with you. I'll just tell my friends I went to bed early to hide the shame.
14. Hating that he's actually pretty good in bed. If he couldn't make me come, like, four times in a row and come over exactly when I needed him to, I would not even be here right now watching him put pomade in his hair. Why, fuckboys, whyyyyy.
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