I don't tell everyone I'm a stripper. I'm not ashamed, but the stereotypical "you must be a slut" judgment is not a lot of fun.
When I do tell people, I'm very open about what I do and my experiences as a dancer. I try very hard to humanize it and help people understand why someone with a master's degree might choose to dance instead of work in an office. When I'm not at work, I'm a normal-looking girl who likes makeup, shoes, and going on trips. I just earn my money a different way than most.
My father is very supportive and actively encouraged me to dance — he's incredibly open-minded about the whole thing. My mother, on the other hand, doesn't want to talk about it. My brothers are on opposite sides of the issue too. One brother silently judges my perceived sluttiness, while the other thinks it's awesome.
Romantic relationships can be difficult when you're a dancer too. It's hard for some guys to get past the fact that other people see you naked on a regular basis. One boyfriend was super proud, and we had a great relationship. Another assumed I was going home with other people, and was constantly checking my phone and making accusations. I had to ditch him, because I don't deal with other people trying to control my life like that.
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If someone in your life is dancing, slow your roll with the judging. Chances are good that you don't have the full story. I've been asked a lot of questions about my choice, my morals, my sexual habits, and details of the job. Here are just a few, along with my responses.
1. Why are you dancing? Honestly, it's fun. The money is good, and I'm free during the day to do things like take a class or go to the gym. I only work three or four days a week, and I bring in around $1,000 to $1,500 per week. I get paid to be cute and flirt with people — I just happen to be naked while doing it. So really, why not?
2. Aren't you ashamed? Some people think I should feel ashamed and hate myself for doing this job, but I don't. People know, and I don't care about their judgments. I just get naked for money — I'm not a bad person. There is no "right" way to do life.
3. You're better than this. This is the way I've chosen to make money and provide for myself until I decide to do something else. This might not be what someone else wants for me, but it isn't forever and I'm still the person you know. I'm not suddenly doing drugs and prostituting myself.
4. People will judge you and your family. Well, OK. People are going to judge no matter what I do. I may as well enjoy myself.
5. Do you get paid for sex? I've had offers, and some girls do that, but no, that's not even a thin line for me. Again, I'm not a prostitute.
6. What if someone you know sees you at the club? It's usually more uncomfortable for them than it is for me. They tend to act like they've been busted. I usually just walk right up and say hi.
7. What happens in the VIP rooms? The VIP room is essentially just a bit more private. If you're OK with letting someone touch you (depending on club rules), you can snuggle or do very up-close dances. In most cases, there are bouncers and cameras so nothing illegal or abusive happens.
8. How much money do you really make? It depends. Some nights are amazing and you feel like a rock star. Other nights, you might owe the club money. We pay the club per shift (anywhere from $50 to $200), then we have to tip out to waitresses, bartenders, and sometimes DJs. We take home whatever is left.
9. Is it fun? Most of the time. There's a bit of a power trip and a boost in self-confidence when people are throwing money and asking to spend time with you. I'm very flirtatious by nature, and I enjoy getting compensated for it. It's not fun when people are demeaning, rude, callous, or handsy.
10. Can I come watch you? Absolutely! I love when friends come to watch. My girlfriends often come just to hang out, and I make sure to give them a little special "treatment." It makes it fun for them and gives other patrons a chance to see what I'm really like and maybe spend money on me.
11. What do you do when you have your period? You can snip a tampon string so it's very short and isn't likely to be visible, or you can use a menstrual cup. I've used both, and it's never a problem. I also take a Midol or two to reduce fatigue, grumpiness, and bloating.
12. Aren't most guys total jerks in a strip club? Some guys are just going to be a dick at a club, but most aren't. Most just want to have a drink, see some girls shake their asses, and move on to the next place. If I can add a little fun or a smile to their night, that's great — I like thinking I've made a difference in someone's day.
13. What if someone tries to hurt you? I'm in a very safe club in a pretty safe part of town. There are bouncers and cameras all over the place. Bouncers walk you to your car, so the odds are ever in your favor. I don't tell anyone my real name, since they could find me online, and I carry pepper spray. I also know self-defense. I don't feel unsafe at all.
Try not to get too judgmental if there are dancers in your life. The bottom line is this: I'm confident in myself, my choices, and my ability to support myself. Those things are more important to me than someone else's judgment about my life.
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